The Value of Commitment
- Wouter van Velden
- 1 day ago
- 6 min read
“ You shall not commit adultery.”
At first glance, the Seventh Commandment seems straightforward. It speaks about faithfulness in marriage and warns against sexual betrayal. But as with so many of the commandments, the deeper we look, the more we discover that God is not merely setting a restriction. He is protecting something valuable.
Marriage is treated in Scripture as a relationship set apart, a covenant that carries a unique weight and significance. The command against adultery exists because trust, intimacy and commitment matter deeply, not only for a couple, but also for the families and communities around them.
Why Does Marriage Matter So Much?
The Ten Commandments were given to Israel as they were preparing to become a new community in the Promised Land. God was shaping a people who would live in healthy relationship with Him and with one another. The Seventh Commandment forms part of that vision.
Marriage is unlike most other relationships in life. We may have friendships, colleagues, teams and communities, but marriage is an intimate commitment that is set apart from the rest. In that sense, it is holy. To call something holy means that it is special, dedicated and treated differently from ordinary things. That is what the command seeks to protect.
It protects the bond between two people who have committed themselves to one another.
What Adultery Destroys
Anyone who has experienced betrayal in a relationship knows how deeply it can hurt.
Adultery damages trust.
It weakens intimacy.
It introduces doubt and insecurity.
It can leave the person who has been betrayed asking painful questions:
"What did I do wrong?", "Why was I not enough?" or "Why did this happen?"
And the impact often extends far beyond the two people directly involved. Children can be affected. Families can fracture. Friends and communities may begin taking sides. Relationships that once felt secure can suddenly become unstable. In that sense, adultery is not merely a private matter. It can have consequences for an entire community.
God’s Vision Is Bigger Than a Rule
God’s laws were intended to help Israel become a healthy and beautiful community. Stable relationships and healthy families were part of that vision. This connects with the promise God made to Abraham in Genesis 12: that through his descendants, the nations of the world would be blessed.
If relationships collapse, families break apart and trust disappears, the health of the larger community is also threatened. That is why the command against adultery is not simply about God saying “no” to something enjoyable. It is about protecting something good.
The Seventh Commandment safeguards trust, emotional stability, intimacy and the long-term health of relationships.
Then Jesus Takes It Further
If the command were only about married people physically having sex with someone other than their spouse, some of us might think: Well, I’m not married yet, so this one doesn’t really apply to me.
Then Jesus speaks in Matthew 5.
He says:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Once again, Jesus takes a commandment that seems focused on outward behaviour and leads us into the heart. Faithfulness does not begin with the body. It begins with the mind.
Our thoughts can already become a place where we are faithful, or unfaithful...
Noticing Beauty Is Not the Problem
This distinction is important. Jesus is not saying that it is sinful simply to notice that someone is beautiful or attractive.
There is nothing wrong with recognising:
Wow, she is beautiful.
Or:
He is attractive.
The problem lies in what we choose to do next. Jesus is challenging the deliberate decision to look in order to stir up lust. There is a difference between seeing someone and intentionally staring, fantasising and using that person in our minds for our own gratification.
The problem is not simply noticing another person. The problem begins when we stop seeing them as a whole person and start treating them as an object.
Your Thoughts Are Your Responsibility
Jesus also places responsibility exactly where it belongs. On us. We cannot blame another person for the direction of our thoughts.
We cannot say: "They dressed that way.", "They were asking for attention." or "They made me think like this."
Whatever another person is wearing or doing, we remain responsible for what we choose to do with our own minds. Jesus directs the challenge toward the person looking. That means faithfulness includes learning to take responsibility for our thoughts instead of blaming other people for them.
Faithfulness Is Expected From Everyone
In many ancient societies, men and women were held to very different standards when it came to sexual faithfulness. Women were often judged much more strictly. Jesus levels the playing field.
Both men and women are called to faithfulness. Both carry responsibility for how they treat others. Both are called to honour the marriage covenant. And in doing so, Jesus also refuses to treat women as property or objects belonging to men. Both partners have dignity, responsibility and value before God.
What If I’m Not Married?
The passage still matters.
The habits we develop before marriage do not magically disappear the day we get married. If we train ourselves to constantly sexualise other people now, we are developing patterns of thought that we may carry into future relationships. Marriage vows do not instantly rewire the way we have taught ourselves to think.
So learning faithfulness begins long before marriage. It begins in the way we look at people today. It begins in the way we think. It begins in the habits we create. It begins by guarding our hearts.
People Are More Than Bodies
Genesis tells us that human beings are created in the image of God. Every person we encounter is complex. We are physical, but we are also emotional, spiritual and social beings.
We have stories.
Dreams.
Fears.
Relationships.
Faith.
Personality.
When we reduce another person only to their sexual attractiveness, we deny much of who they actually are. They become something for our gratification instead of someone created in the image of God. None of us wants to be reduced to one part of our humanity. We want to be known as whole people. And that is how we are called to see others too.
A Word About Pornography
This is also why pornography deserves a mention. Pornography is designed specifically to encourage us to look at people for the purpose of lust. It trains the eye and the mind to reduce human beings to sexual objects. If Jesus teaches that adultery begins in the heart and in the way we look at others, then we cannot ignore the way pornography shapes our understanding of sexuality, intimacy and other people. It teaches habits that work against the kind of faithfulness Jesus describes. This is not something to treat lightly.
Take It Seriously
Jesus then uses deliberately extreme language:
If your eye causes you to stumble, remove it.
If your hand causes you to stumble, cut it off.
This is hyperbole. Jesus is not instructing His followers to physically harm themselves. He is making a point: Take this seriously!
If something repeatedly leads you away from faithfulness, do something about it. Change the habit. Remove the temptation. Create boundaries. Ask for help.
Do not casually allow something destructive to become deeply rooted in your life. Faithfulness sometimes requires decisive choices.
The Positive Side of the Commandment
The Seventh Commandment is written negatively:
Do not commit adultery.
But behind that “do not” is a beautiful invitation.
Protect commitment.
Protect trust.
Protect intimacy.
Protect the person you have promised yourself to.
Marriage, at its best, becomes a relationship in which two people enrich one another’s lives. God gives us to one another so that we can help each other flourish. That takes work. It takes commitment. It takes discipline. And sometimes it comes with a cost. But that is precisely why commitment is valuable. Something worth protecting will always ask something of us.
A Marriage That Points Beyond Itself
Ultimately, faithfulness in marriage can become a witness. A healthy marriage does not only bless the two people within it. It can point beyond itself. A relationship characterised by trust, loyalty, grace and commitment can show something of God’s own faithfulness.
The goal is therefore not simply:
Don’t cheat.
The deeper invitation is:
Build something beautiful.
Become the kind of person who can be trusted. Learn faithfulness now. See others as whole human beings created in God’s image. And if God gives you marriage, protect that relationship so intentionally that the way you love one another becomes a sign pointing toward Him. That is the value (and the cost) of commitment.
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