Honour Begins at Home!
- Wouter van Velden
- 3 days ago
- 5 min read
What Does It Really Mean to Honour Your Father and Mother?
When we hear the fifth commandment—"Honour your father and your mother"—our minds often go straight to children obeying their parents. While that is certainly part of the command, Scripture reveals a much richer and deeper picture. In both Exodus 20:12 and Jesus' teaching in Mark 7:9–13, we discover that honour is about far more than simple obedience. It is about building families and communities that reflect God's heart.
A Commandment Given to Build a Community
To understand the fifth commandment, we first need to remember where it appears in the story of Israel. God had just rescued His people from slavery in Egypt. As they journeyed toward the Promised Land, He entered into a covenant with them—a relationship in which He promised to be their God and called them to become His people.
The Ten Commandments were never intended to be a list of arbitrary rules. They were given to help Israel become a healthy, holy and beautiful community where people lived in right relationship with both God and one another. The command to honour parents forms part of that larger vision.
Why This Commandment Mattered
For Israel, the memory of slavery was still fresh. Slavery tears families apart. Parents and children are separated, relationships are broken, and people become valued only for what they can produce. God's covenant presents an entirely different picture.
By commanding children to honour their father and mother, God was restoring the importance of family relationships. In the society He was establishing, people would not merely be economic assets—they would be valued as people created in His image. This command was particularly significant for ageing parents.
Unlike today, there were no pensions, retirement funds or government support systems. As parents grew older and could no longer provide for themselves, their children became their primary source of care and support. Honouring parents therefore included practical responsibility: caring for them, protecting them and ensuring that they were not abandoned in old age.
Honour Includes Mothers Too
One fascinating detail is that the command explicitly says:
"Honour your father and your mother."
While this might seem obvious to us, it was remarkably significant in the ancient world. Many ancient law codes focused primarily on honouring fathers. God's command intentionally includes mothers, demonstrating His concern for their dignity and wellbeing.
In a society where a woman's legal and economic security often depended on the men in her family, this command ensured that widowed mothers would continue to be cared for and respected.
God's vision of community leaves no one behind.
Jesus Reveals the Heart of the Command
Centuries later, Jesus confronts the religious leaders in Mark 7. Some had found a religious loophole. Instead of using their resources to care for their ageing parents, they declared those resources Corban—dedicated to God. Although they often continued to benefit from these possessions themselves, they used their religious vow as an excuse to neglect their parents.
Jesus strongly rebukes them.
They had taken one command of God and used it to avoid another. In doing so, they had replaced God's intention with human tradition. Jesus reminds us that genuine worship of God can never become an excuse for failing to love and care for the people He has entrusted to us.
What Does Honour Look Like?
The biblical word translated as "honour" carries rich meaning.
It includes ideas such as:
treating someone as valuable;
showing respect;
recognising their significance;
caring for them;
showing affection; and
valuing them highly.
For younger children, this naturally includes obedience within healthy family relationships.
For adult children, honour often takes the form of continued respect, practical care, gratitude and support. Honour is not something that ends when we become adults. It simply changes shape as relationships mature.
A Commandment That Protects Children Too
This passage also addresses an important misunderstanding. Throughout history, some have misused the fifth commandment to justify controlling or abusive parenting. That is not God's intention.
The command assumes that parents themselves are living honourably.
Parents are called to become people worthy of honour by reflecting God's character in the way they love, guide and care for their children. Authority always belongs ultimately to God. Parents exercise authority under His authority—not instead of it.
If a parent acts contrary to God's purposes by abusing, manipulating or destroying a child's wellbeing, they are stepping outside the framework in which this command was given. The fifth commandment must never be used to excuse abuse or harmful behaviour. Rather, God's commands exist to build life, protect people and cultivate healthy relationships.
Healthy Boundaries Can Honour God
This does not mean honour disappears when relationships become difficult. In situations where parents or caregivers are unhealthy or abusive, the relationship may need to be redefined. A person may still choose to treat a parent with dignity while also establishing healthy boundaries.
Sometimes honour means refusing to respond with hatred.
Sometimes it means seeking help. Sometimes it means limiting the influence an unhealthy parent has over your life. Every situation is different, but God's desire remains the same: that His children would live in relationships marked by truth, love and life rather than fear or destruction.
Becoming Parents Worth Honouring
For many of us, the greatest application of this command may still lie in the future. One day, God may entrust us with children of our own.
The challenge is not merely to ask:
"Will my children honour me?"
Instead, we should ask:
"Am I becoming the kind of person they would want to honour?"
God calls parents to guide their children into a life with Him, to model faith, love, grace and integrity. That journey begins long before children arrive. It begins today, as Christ shapes our hearts and renews our lives through His Spirit.
Our Perfect Father
Not everyone has experienced loving parents. Some carry deep wounds because of difficult relationships with their mother, father or caregivers. The good news of the gospel is that our hope is not ultimately found in imperfect human parents. Our hope is found in God.
He is the perfect Father who welcomes us, strengthens us and never abandons His children. Through Jesus Christ, we are invited to come confidently before Him, knowing that He is always ready to receive us with love, mercy and grace. No matter our story, we have a Father who says:
"Come to Me."
Reflection
As you reflect on the fifth commandment this week, consider these questions:
How can I honour my parents or caregivers in this season of life?
Am I allowing God's vision of family and community to shape my relationships?
If I hope to become a parent one day, what kind of parent am I becoming today?
Where do I need to trust God as my perfect Father?
Honour is about much more than obedience. It is about participating in God's vision for a community where every generation is valued, cared for and led closer to Him.
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